my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
