My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
