im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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