i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
