Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
