Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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