haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize