Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
