party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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