Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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