Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
