what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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