also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
