On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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