just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
