Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
God, I missed his penis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
