Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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