I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
