why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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