Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize