Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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