He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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