I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
