When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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