Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
