I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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