Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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