to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
