Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
