a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
