Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
