That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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