a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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