he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
