Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
