its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize