one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
