nut hugger
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
