I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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