i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
