We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im part way to drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
