did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
