there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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