Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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