I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
