It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
