he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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