i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
