I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
