I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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