eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
