I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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