Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
