apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
