I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
