no, he came in my armpit
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
