The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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