I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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