Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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