What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
