I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
