I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
