a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
