your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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