I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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