I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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