How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
