Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize