no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
