Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
