no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
