So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
