Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize