I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
