Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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