Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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