I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
