remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
