but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
