batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
