I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
