definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
