I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
