well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
