Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
