Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
