I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
