Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
