I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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