We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize