I wannas sexs uuuuu
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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