I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
