Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
