you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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