I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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