Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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