I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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