He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize