Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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