I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
