Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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