i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
