I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
