So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
