So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
