Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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