whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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