Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
