if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
