i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
