It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Michael Bay diarrhea
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
