are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
