Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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