Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
