Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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