He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize