do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
