...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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