You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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