Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
