Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
