Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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