yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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