he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
