dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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