Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
